Four Tips to Find Love in a Sour Relationship
Third Times the Charm
Say each thought lovingly to yourself & watch magical things begin to happen:
♥ I love and respect myself.
Expand your awareness with wonderful words:
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Four Tips to Find Love in a Sour Relationship
1) It’s All about ME.
One of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships is putting the other person ahead of their own needs. What happens if you constantly put the other person first is eventually you get bitter and bitter walks out the door.
2) Fight it Out.
If you still care enough to stand up for yourself then that’s a GREAT sign. If you’ve always walked away from confrontations and tried to “keep the peace” knock it off!! It’s not helping it is actually hurting. Find the right time to assertively and lovingly speak your truth.
You’ll be amazed at how good it will feel. And if you don’t feel heard, wait a few days and speak it again. In marketing a person has to see something 9 times before they take action. Telling your loved one once how you feel and expecting a huge shift may be unrealistic.
3) Follow up is KEY
So you had a big blow out and nothing really got resolved but you released a lot of deep, hidden anger. That’s the first step. Good for you. Now the second step is where most people get lost. FOLLOW-UP. Men are notorious for the “forgive and forget” card while you run around with your tail between your legs angry and hurt.
4) Focus on Commonality.
Find something you both enjoy and do it on a regular basis (besides sex, although if that’s not on your list that may be where you need to start). Whether it is a movie and popcorn on Friday nights or going for a long walk on Sunday afternoons, focus on commonality.
And remember, if you hear, see or feel it three times pay attention it means the Universe is speaking to you.
How do you make your relationship work? We’d love to hear your thoughts & insights in our comment section. Just scroll back to the top and click on “leave a comment.” ♥
Oh…I so love this last comment: “if you hear, see or feel it three times pay attention it means the Universe is speaking to you.” I so believe this but sometimes….sometimes I don’t pay attention to it. I need to keep remembering how much the universe speaks to us! Thank you for the reminder. xo
thanks Julie, when I first read your post (2 hours ago) I thought that I would love overcome challenges relationships, it’s a perception of someone who is single, it took me 2 hours to leave the comment because my ex-boyfriend called me three times to talk things through after our break-up, we arranged to meet for breakfast tomorrow. Your blog is magical xoxo
Wow! Such an amazing story Inga. Thanks for sharing. I do believe everything all of us do is infused with our energy – and I had just finished an amazing (dvd) program by John Gottman which had really inspired me. I highly recommend his book: 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work. It’s excellent for any kind of relationship that needs healing.
Julie, Thank you for this thoughtful post. I love the affirmations and the little fairy illustration. The commonality I am appreciating in my marriage relationship is our time in our backyard, such wonderful energetic support for us individually and as a couple. 🙂
Some good tips here. I think another thing is to not just have commonality, but to have some dreams that you are building together. Eric and I have a long term dream of getting some land. We are now at a point where it is close to becoming a reality and it gives us something really fun to talk about. We also love to travel and have dreams of seeing the world. We may not have all the same places that we want to see, but we are taking turns and trying to find things that we both love to do while we are traveling.
I think that gratitude is a huge thing for me too. It is easy when someone is with you every day to just get used to them and not pay that much attention to them. If you are able to connect with why you chose them and keep that present in your life, it helps too.
I like #3: follow up. I remember one time I was holding on to some anger about doing dishes all the time by myself. So I blew up one time and just said, “Can you just come and help me?” That was all it took. I have learned over the years that all I need to do is ask. He generally wants to help me, but often has no idea what I want or need. I think men have a tough time figuring out what women want. There is actually a movie with that name! lol…
Loving this. When something resonates then follow through.
Keeping the communication open is important in all relationships. Show up and be present.
I think #2 is very important: Fight It Out. One of my favorite movies is “Three to Tango”, in which one of the characters says, “We’ve never had a fight” and the protagonist answers, “He doesn’t care enough to fight with you!” That always sticks with me. Fights will happen… and show that both partners are still invested in the relationship. TOO much fighting, however, probably is a sign that the relationship is not long for this world!
That’s quite powerful…thanks for sharing!
Having just had a fairly big blowout last night with my darling husband this was somewhat comforting to me…maybe a little divine timing to read it this morning so thank you Julie! For sure fighting moves out lots of stuck energy, the trick is not fighting dirty and figuring out how to bring it back to neutral/connection afterwards as Bri mentions above.
My husband and I have been together for 30 yrs and I call our relationship “stormy” but in a good way. My friend told me recently that the key to her long lasting relationship was that she always “fights for better” and I just LOVE how she put that. I agree it’s difficult at times not to get nasty but if you feel yourself going there it’s best to retreat. I know the last time we got into an argument he got frustrated when I wouldn’t agree with him and he called me dumb ass. In the past that would have triggered all kinds of emotions, but I simply looked at him and laughingly said, “So that’s what we’ve come to in this discussion? I’m a dumb ass?” We both started laughing and in my schoolteacher voice I said “Now remember, we agreed no name calling.” Good Luck. ♥
I like your advice to fight it out especially-I think this is really critical and a lot of people are afraid of just laying it out on the table warts and all and getting it out there-of course then following up really is key-as is letting the past go once and for all and not continuously bringing it up again!
Julie, one thing I have never understood is how people how argue constantly end up staying together more than those who never argue. I’m glad we argue once in a while. 😉
Number 4, focus on commonality… this is something that my husband and I are re-exploring in our relationship. It seems that being married a long time you tend to fall easily into a rut without realizing it. We are putting the focus on rediscovering what each it is that we may like doing together. Baby steps back on track. 🙂
That’s beautiful Suzanne. I think as we get older our tastes change or we renew interest in activities once the kids are older or grown and gone. How fun!
These are great suggestions. The first one is where I’m at with a few relationships and I’m really evaluating whether it’s healthy to continue…Thank you for the post!