3 Tips to Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries in your life isn’t always easy but it is important if you want to surround yourself with healthy relationships.
1.) Everyone has a Different Perception of Reality.
It’s true we all live in our own little worlds, based upon our own experiences that we’ve had in the world. So I can say something to you and it will get no emotional reaction yet the exact same sentence or story will send another into a spiral of hurt and anger.
When you are establishing boundaries with the people in your life be sure to try to see things from their perspective. Was it what they said that was inappropriate or do you have a red-hot trigger button on your chest and when anyone mentions that topic it lights you up?
This information is good to have so when you talk with the person about how you are feeling you can better understand where your emotions are coming from. Once the person understands your experience with that issue they will have an opportunity to be more understanding in the future.
2) Follow up & Follow Thru
If someone says something to you that’s upsetting you may be too emotional to respond in the moment. Actually, it’s best NOT to respond immediately especially if you are upset. Wait until the next day or a few days later when you feel emotionally stronger and have had time to go through all the scenarios in your mind of what you could say and then FOLLOW UP.
ex. When you said ___, I felt ___. I think it’s important that you know how I really feel, etc.
I know it’s easier to pretend it never happened and ignore your feelings, but the truth of the matter is that it DID happen and it’s going to keep happening unless you talk about it.
Stand strong and don’t give up. We really do teach people how to treat us. If you are unhappy in your relationships the only person you have to blame is yourself.
Sometimes you just need to take a break. If this person is not respecting your position and continues to ignore or run over your feelings it may be best to take a step back and disengage.
If you live in the same household this may mean you need to retreat to a spare bedroom or stay on your side of the bed. If you are able to leave the space for a few days and clear your head by all means do that. If you live in separate households it may be time to take a break from the friendship or the relationship. That might mean no texting or engaging on social media with this person.
This may look like shaming, but it’s not. If you have set boundaries in your life with another person and they continue to ignore your feelings then it’s time for you to distance yourself from the relationship to get clarity so you can decide if this person is really worth having in your life.
The more you put up with bad behavior, the more others will run you over. You are stronger than you think. You deserve to be treated fairly. People who don’t live up to your standards don’t deserve a place at your table. There are only so many spots available. If they aren’t willing to step it up there are plenty of other people out there who are.
Don’t compromise your values just to have people in your life. Stay true to yourself and stick to your guns. As your vibration raises you will begin attracting behaviors and people that are ready and willing to rise to the occasion. This will create loving and respectful relationships that will help you grow and thrive in 2019.
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